A proper match had been arranged as part of the tour to Bristol. As is usual in cases like these there was an element of England v Wales and as a touring team we were, of course, obliged to be the finest ambassadors for Welsh rugby.

The morning was spent ensuring the correct match build up through rehydration and calorific intake, with a particular concentration on five a day; although unusually these were in the form of cider and Bloody Marys.

After a scenic taxi ride over the Clifton suspension bridge, we duly presented ourselves at the venue. A quick calculation revealed that we were two players short of a team and so without further ado JG set about resolving the issue, This resulted in recruitment of a winger, who went by the name of Flash (ah-ah) (more of that later), and an old bruiser to play tighthead prop.

What with the guest players, a broad age range and the spirit of tour Nant decided to mix selection up a bit, with the gamble of putting Bush Bach both as front jumper and blind side flanker (more of that later). It was also decided to make all the line calls in Welsh instead of the usual codes (more of that later).

The opposition played a mixed 1sts and 2nds. Currently playing in Gloucester Division 2 they were a side that we should be able to beat in the normal way of things. It became alarmingly clear from the warm up that this was not going to “be a normal way of things” kind of day.

Straight from the KO the home team pressed forward, playing very direct rugby; seeking contact and then recycling quickly to repeat the  process. Not pretty, but devastatingly effective as a countermeasure to Strongbow. Within a few minutes they had taken the lead with a converted try. Nantgaredig struggled with the physicality of the game and the aggressiveness of the English team in the contact area. There are not many teams we have played this season who were as physical in that area.

To compound our difficulties Cled “Crash Bandicoot” Richards took a heavy blow to the nasal area, which though painful for Cled, served to remind the team that a) this was a proper match and b) that scrum caps only cover the head - not the face. Feeling left out, Bush bach then took also knock to his beak – from a particularly large dandelion.

All thoughts of festival, champagne, touring rugby went out of the window as safety first principles were applied. All the guile and craft of the Clintster and Mr Childs were put into effect and slowly the pressure was relieved as the ball was slowed down and the home side began to get penalised.

It was at this point that the first flaw in the line out gamble was revealed. The opposition front jumper was 6’4” as compared to Bush and so the front option became the novelty rather than banker ball. The line-outs problems were compounded when, having lost three throws to the middle, we discovered that the opposition Fly-half was welsh-speaking. DOH!  The ingenious solution to this conundrum was the discreet  use of the phrase “Je ne sais quoi”. This proved to be marginally more successful than the previous attempts; we won one line out using it. Our set piece was otherwise tolerable and Bush bach made up for his line-out deficiency with some fine creeping around the scrum.

We finally started playing some rugby and as usual the cunning ploy of running at space served to baffle the English tacklers, and as usual Bleddyn Lewis made ground at will with some trademark slashing runs. The other backs also played well and made ground when they selected the correct option from their double vision.  Cled Richards and Arwel Sharp showed their full range of jinks, swerves and dummies, occasionally even with the ball.

Despite the ship being steadied the home team scored another try and at half time we were 12-0 down. Strong words were spoken at half time, nothing to do with the game but mainly cursing Mike O’Leary who, despite his absence, had somehow managed to sabotage the water bottles with Woodpecker cider.

In the second half we started to gain the upper hand, absorbing the pressure from the home team and then counter-attacking from deep. The guest player Flash (ah-ah) had already shown his value (he is known in Bristol for providing his own commentary while playing) with some strong tackles and good pace. When we were able to work some space he was on the end of good interplay to score a try (unconverted).

Having scored one try we went for the equaliser and as the home side tired, and we sobered up, we were able to apply some real pressure.

Strong runs by the backs, notably Eric Serpico, made inroads. The tight five of Pobs, Clint, JG, Ian, Childs and Steve Bennett (the hired muscle) [I know that makes 6 - it is a long story] were effective around the park with some good clearing out. There was also good fetching by the flankers with surges on from Wayne Davies. This produced quick ball, from which Meirion Davies’s trademark distribution was putting the runners into space, sometimes deliberately.  Eventually, this broke down the Cotham Park defences and Flash (ah-ah) was eased in for his second try which was converted.

At 12-12 it was game on.

The hosts were determined not be beaten by some drunken taffs and we wanted to prove a point to them.

The final minutes were harum-scarum stuff with both sides coming close. A few tackles were missed on both sides, as tired players went high; Jaffa received a particularly harsh  lesson which he might have got away with - if the rest of us hadn’t heard the loud slap of hand on face.

Both teams went close to the other’s line but excellent last ditch defence at each end prevented any further points and as tempers became a little frayed, with ‘Sugar Rhyd’ Evans taking exception to some foul play, the referee, who had been pretty tolerant all game (no yellows - amazing), needed a pint so blew the final whistle.

So a fairly hard fought game ended Honours even.

And then we got into the bar….

Our thanks go to Cotham Park RFC, in particular Nick Shopland, who entertained us very well and to Craig Pocock for refereeing and Ian Reed for logistics. Not forgetting bus driver, opposition prop and dog handler extraordinaire Anthony ‘my head is my map’ O’Regan.